Wearing masculinity upon your feet.

I have started to question my manhood. I have not decided to question my level of manhood based on my desire to be with women, my muscular strength, or my overall level of testosterone; as all of those factors except for muscular strength I feel fairly confident. No, this questioning has arisen as a result of me viewing a pair of boots on a man the other day, and wondering if that was ever an option available to me. What does it take to pull off a pair of boots in all seriousness?

When I have imagined myself in cowboy boots, it has been in a John Wayne sort of representation. My visualization consists of a gun holster strapped to my hip and crushing a cigarette beneath my leather bound pointed toes, as I confidently stand in the hardened sunlight opposing my silhouetted next victim. A gold sheriff’s badge bounces rippled streaks of reflected sunlight upon the ground in front of me. My woman stands by my side showing not an ounce of fear, knowing the inevitable outcome her smile flares sunlight off of her glistening white teeth in my direction. With ease my hand glides to my gun, a sub-conscious automation pulls the trigger and the bullet screams through the dry air and strikes my victim in the chest; his feet fall out from beneath him, and a cloud of dust circulates in the air as he strikes the hardened ground. Blood spilling from the wound it continues to pool atop the dry soil, as he is left gasping for his last breath upon the barren road. Heroic responsibilities finished, I stroll through the pebbled road crunching my way towards the saloon. I make my way up the stairs to the saloon, with the hammering of my heels announcing my arrival. Busting my way through the saloon doors they swing creakingly back and forth, and the once bustling bar silences upon my arrival with a cumulative fearful inhalation of breath. As I relax to an awaiting glass of whiskey, I recognize this as just another day at work.

That is how my imagined Utopian relation to cowboy boots plays out. In the real world, I feel as though instead of representing my masculine strengths and heroic capabilities, they would act more like an indicator of my masculine faults. I picture them more as a juxtaposition of character within my style, than as an attributing element. I am not looking to completely makeover my entire stylistic existence, replacing my t-shirts with button up flannel and covering my head with a cowboy hat. All I was thinking, is trying to find a way to be able to supplement my appearance with the crunching and hammering walk of cowboy boots.

My desire would be, that the supplemented boots would allow me to walk through the streets and into a bar feeling as though I was passing through the creaking saloon doors. Although the sound of The Killers music would be reverberating within the walls, I would only hear the inhalation of breath respecting my entrance and masculine nature. An intimidating and confident power, emanating with every hammering step. In reality though, I think that after leaving the comfort of my Reebok Pumps for the pointy and tight boots, my walk would be comparable to that of a hobbling puppy who had recently hurt its paw. With my hobbled walk and overly smiley face, the tighter clothing emblazoned with artsy images would simply seal the irrational existence of the boots and the raw natural power that they exude.

The man I saw the other day, wore the boots along with the flannel I spoke of before and whitewashed jeans. In this day and age, that is where it seems that the boots belong. As it is not completely necessary for that man to ride a horse to the bar, he damn well better have drove a pickup truck there. For me in my pearl white Infiniti I30 and my tight artsy clothing, the boots seem as though they would be better left in the trunk. Maybe if I find a cheap pair at a thrift store or swap meet, I’ll buy them under the guise of a possible Halloween costume. No matter what, a good pair of cowboy boots and a toy gun could still be empowering enough fun for a simple man like me to make them worth the ownership.

-B