Breaking the Silence.

So, recently I have begun to talk to strangers. This is something that my Mom has done throughout my entire existence. It is possible for her to start a conversation with anyone, no matter when or where, the “gift of gab” is apparent. Throughout much of my childhood I had seen this as strange, as the constant guiding through elementary education explicitly enforced the “Don’t talk to strangers,” mentality into my subconscious. The social existence of me and others was to be kept separate, until a shared experience were to bring us together.

Throughout my life, this has only become more evident through the advent of personal electronics. No matter where you go now, there is a high likelihood that those who surround you will be talking or listening to some sort of device. I spent many days in San Francisco huddled closely by strangers on a MUNI train or bus never to utter a word, as I and my neighbor would both isolate ourselves into the seclusion of our IPODs. Pretending to be mesmerized by my music, I would make sure to divert my attention and refrain from any type of connection. Why though, are we so afraid to connect with others?

We walk on the street, making sure to avoid eye contact and to give enough personal space. We stand two feet away from each-other as we fill drinks at a restaurant. We keep sunglasses on our face while inside. We start conversations on the phone while approaching a register in a store or restaurant. We listen to our IPOD as often as possible, or play games on our phones. All just to guarantee not to make any connection with the other people who surround us.

I have begun to truly admire my Mother’s ability to approach anyone, as she welcomes any type of connection. It may seem strange at first when she wanders off to some unknown group of people, until you begin to see the smiles upon their faces. They honestly welcome her into their space, and within minutes it could seem as though she had known them her whole life. It is possible to feel the energy of the surroundings change as she formulates a connection not just between her and them, but between our group and their’s.

I am trying to hone some of my Mother’s skill within myself. The past couple of days, I have tried to remain open to the possibility of talking to those around me. At first it was scary to begin a conversation with a stranger; never knowing their personality or way of thought. With each interaction though, I have begun to feel more comfort in the process.

I have begun mostly by talking to the checkout people and workers of those institutions which I visit within a day. Within the first moment of interaction, they quite often are pleasantly shocked to be recognized. How often we get caught up in the routine of a transaction and forget about those who stand in front of us. One transaction after another the employee can fall into a routine of labor, and feel just as a cog in a machine. With a little conversation, it allows them to break from the monotony and remember life outside of work. I have been sincerely thanked by a concession employee at the movie theater this week, for asking him how his day has been and truly listening to his response. Within these interactions I also benefit, as I am able to see the employees’ true personalities. In a time when so many transactions are automated and pressing a few buttons is the norm, it is nice to truly use the possibility of interacting with another person.

Another place where I have felt the benefit of conversation with strangers is within elevators. Why do we allow that uncomfortable silence to happen? Any conversation is easy in an elevator, as it is as simple as stating the obvious awkwardness inherent with elevators or usually some sort of observational recognition. More often than not, the other person is just as desperate to not fall victim to the silence and will work to fill the short ride with some chatter. Within my short time breaking the elevator silence, I have met numerous people within my apartment complex. In a large complex, each time I ride I have the opportunity of meeting someone new.

There is so much that can be learned from those around us, and so many situations which can be brightened up by building relationships. I am not saying that I will stop everyone who walks by me on the street, but when an opportunity is available I am going to try to be open to it. My belief is that with a welcoming approach, most people will enjoy breaking societal silences and be glad to meet a new person. A majority of the day we are bored as we follow routine, and a new interaction can be a refreshing way to break the brain out of auto-pilot. Give it a chance…people aren’t so bad.

-B